You know, I seem to start and stop this blog. I get busy and I forget. But I thought about it and it’s a great outlet, and even more, I may just be feeling the same things others are feeling. So…let’s do this.
It’s been almost two years since my husband died. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions, new experiences, and heady and hard challenges as I learned to live again. Cause it is learning over. The place of comfort and acceptance I found from my husband went away. Again, it was just me. All alone. Starting over. Hustling my ass to make ends meet.
Now I have to say that I have had some really good times. I’ve laughed a lot. I’ve learned a lot. And I have grown in ways that surprised me. Biggest thing I learned – I don’t give a shit what people think any more. I don’t. I just don’t.
I spent the majority of my life caring what people felt about my actions, were they happy, did they have what they needed, and after all the mess I’ve been through I have fully and completely decided that they can all go suck rocks.
Okay, that sounds harsh. But you gotta be harsh. Listen, we women, and men too, are always worried if we are doing the right thing, are we being fair, and is everyone okay? But what happens is that we aren’t. We’re suffering or spinning multiple plates in the air trying to make everyone else happy. And guess what, they don’t give a rat’s ass if you are happy. Really…have you noticed this in your life?
So I decided that now this time was going to be all about me. EEEEKKKK!!! I can see the clenched looks on people’s faces. Asking: How can I be so selfish? What about your kids? What about your friends? What about the guy at the grocery store? What about that random stranger at the gas station?
See, I’m not saying to become a callous individual that does mean things, I’m just saying that it’s time to put myself first. My happiness depends on it. Too often we put everyone else’s happiness and approval before our own. And I’m done with that.
Does that mean I may lose some people from my life? Possibly. But I feel pretty strongly that those who truly love me understand.
Okay, I broke the ice. I told you I was going to be all about me from now on. I know you want to join me…don’t you? What will it take before you decide that your happiness is as important as everyone else? What will have to happen before you decide to move yourself to the front of the line instead of being at the back waiting for something you may never get because you were too afraid of offending anyone to make yourself a priority.
Well, if you’re for me, I’ll be up at the front of the line. I’ll save you a place, okay? P.S. The pink ones are mine 🙂