Is it apathy or strategy?

The last few weeks I have been in a weird place.  Weird for me because instead of going gung-ho and creating things right and left I have been in a strange place of non-movement.

You know those pictures that you see of tsunamis before they arrive on shore?  There is this weird shot of the ocean that is gone and beach that extends WAY beyond where it should.  People are walking about kinda scratching their head because they know it isn’t right and they aren’t sure what it is going on, simply that something is going on.

That’s how I feel right now.  I feel like an overly outstretched beach that can feel something happening somewhere but not sure what it is or when to expect it.

It’s an odd condition for me.  I am usually a whirling dervish of movement, action, and creation.  I don’t get tired very often, need little sleep, and when I do sleep I have countless ideas bubbling in my brain.

But recently all that has stilled.  It’s not that I don’t have ideas, I do.  But they come one at a time and with great deliberation.  Add to that a knowing that this all seems right even if it seems apathetic and you got a weird recipe.

I decided a month ago to focus on my writing.  Not only the writing of my novels but also the creation of a place where people can see about my characters…really a place where all my writings will be seen.  But mostly I decided to focus.  To quiet the Tasmanian devil that is my mind and focus on one output, writing.

Perhaps that short circuited my usual way of being because things slowed after that.  It wasn’t entirely noticable at first.  It took a week or so to see that my mind was working in a slower more regimented way.  And I wasn’t freaking out as much.  It was almost as if my emotional output was like the beach before tsunami and not doing much.

But I felt alright, felt good.  So today talking to a friend I asked her if she thought that apathy could be a strategy.

You know for me it just might be.  It’s not that I’m not committed, I absolutely am.  It’s that this calming of thoughts, actions, and emotions has given me the insight to focus.  Has allowed my being to know that it isn’t just about what I do but incredibly it is about timing and the Universe’s knowing when to make action occur.

I took this new behavior and trimmed it down to the concept of “one day at a time“.  Like an addict, in this case addiction to action, I was slowing down my way of being.  This slowing down took some time to take affect and drawing the analogy to addiction, I was feeling the withdrawal of my usual behavior.  But it seems to have taken hold the concept of “one day at a time” and this allowance of apathy as a strategy is working in my favor.

I decided to not make a list as long as my arm and instead to make a list of three things I could actually accomplish in a day.  Once I did accomplish those items I found that not only did I feel better but I was actually much closer to what I truly want.  It is appears to be a far stronger method than simply making a list I will never finish and beating myself about not doing it.

Who would think that a feeling so closely akin to apathy would seem to become my strategy and a seemingly good one at that.  Now I follow my path, let things work as they should, and get my three things a day done. 

Sometimes the way of the world and the paths we take to get to our dreams/goals are oddly shaped and seemingly not thought out, but I swear there is a method to the world’s/Universe/God’s madness and to walk along is sometimes the best course to take.


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